Trying!...

i've been thinking (yes...i do that at times... :p).....or more accurately, i've been forced to think....by an annoying (but well meaning....and supremely adorable) individual....bout a certain aspect of my life that i have so far blissfully managed to suppress, repress and wrestle into a deep, dark abyss....the dreaded 'C' word.....*faux scary music here*....CAREER....AAARGH!....

i mean its not like i've never thought bout it...but i've never given it thought...and yes...there IS a difference...so anyway...words like career, corporate etc. have flitted through my mind...but i don think i've ever sat down and tried to chart out a plan....i mean i did....but that was AEONS ago...and anyway...those plans got totally screwed up...so now i'm headed in a totally different direction...

Admittedly...i'm not in a field i completely loathe...but i am stuck in a rut...in terms of the type of work....and the people....oh god, the people!... :O

Maybe i've been really unlucky...or i'm overreacting...because even though i've always believed in a state of existence where if you did wot you were supposed to do then you're pretty much left alone...i've always known that there was bound to be crap (i'm not that much of an idealist!)... but SO much of it?....and SO many varied versions?!...

Let me elaborate (without getting into specifics!).... 

Firstly, there's the 'Authority Figure'...who thinks he/she is the all-knowing god/goddess of awesome-ness...complete with the (pseudo)'intellectual' demeanor and an oily coat of 'trendy-ness'...*shivers*....it isn't just astounding...it's disheartening...that not only do people with such little substance have such large delusions of grandeur...but also that they are in a position of power (either because they come from money or they're REALLY good at sucking up)...it kinda makes one lose faith in talent, knowledge and the merit of doing actual work...and it doesn't end with incompetency...which can be, to an extent, dealt with...it escalates to objectification and the lack of respect..."i pay you, so i own you"...that kinda mentality gets one nowhere...it kills respect...it kills any kind of drive and proactive-ness...n it breeds resentment...

Then you have the office 'Game-ers'...n no...and i don't mean those harmless souls who are skilled at dodging bullets/jumping over hazards/speeding through traffic/whatever it is that they do in an alternate realm of virtual reality...i'm talking bout those two-faced creeps who play very real, very under-handed 'games' at the workplace...n while most of them are really easy to identify...some of them...are tricky blighters...

i like to call them the 'Dents'....you know, like Harvey Dent...two-faced they are!...and with an impeccable veneer of 'nice-ness'...they trick you into believing they're on your side...earn your trust...make you feel like they're looking out for you....so you go outta your way to help 'em...stick your neck out fer them....and wen the time comes...*BAM*....before you know it...you're thrown under the bus...what a lovely thank you!...

i could go on and on about the diverse range of exasperating, frustrating army of characters the corporate world has to offer...like the 'Lollypops' who are good-for-nothing, sickly sweet suck ups...and the 'Holier-Than-Thou's, my name for super stuck up jackasses...or the earth-shatteringly slow 'Dumbelles'...and the annoying 'YouDo's who, like their name says, fob off all their work on u...

But i have to admit, there has been a teensy amount of good too (with a stress on 'teensy')...i mean i've met people who've absolutely personified patience (a quality that i desperately need to acquire) in the face of complete BS...people who've burnt the proverbial 'midnight oil' with a passion that i can only dream about...people who've shown incredible restraint in insanely crappy situations...and people who've been kind enough to sift through the clutter to find some semblance of merit in me (which i am very grateful for!)...

It mite sound like a lot of good people right there...but you have to understand that i'm not referring to different individuals in relation to different characteristics in the previous para...i'm talking bout just one or maybe two people who, at various points of time, have shown slivers of those qualities...slivers, mind you, not even the whole deal...

anyway...what i've realized is this...despite all my raving and ranting...and proactive measures (fuelled by self-preservation, though they might be)...nothing is going to change...and unless i learn to accept it...i'm going to turn into an (even more) bitter individual...and end up wasting my life being unhappy...and penniless...and maybe friendless as well (cause who likes whiny, bitter people, right?)...

so i'm trying...trying not to let these trying people try my peace of mind...can't say i'm successful yet...but like i said...i'm trying...