So basically...i am just not gonna say when i'll rite next....cause *ha ha* i never stick to it.....you can call it laziness...or busy-ness....but honestly....i think it was just the lack of things to say....
Lemme rephrase that...its the lack of things with consequence to say....i mean, i just feel like i'm not accomplishing anything by writing or saying what's on my mind....who's listening anyway?.....but then i realized...that just cause i think no one's listening....doesn't mean that no one is actually listening...and even if that were the case...it shouldn't stop me from writing, no?
The reason this whole 'reason' thing (see what i did there with the words :p ) came up is because, well, the last coupla weeks of the last year have seen me in a never before role....of someone who makes and sticks to hard, but necessary, decisions!....i dunno if they're the rite decisions...but they've been monumental for me...and no matter what the outcome...i know that i had the courage to take decisions that are (possibly) rite (for me)....and for someone who has always shied away from doing anything that upsets the 'normal flow' of things or 'status quo'....well, lets just say i'm proud o' me!
This might not make sense to many people (ha! like that's a surprise!)....it might even seem downright foolhardy....but this was an important milestone for me in terms of character building....i know now that i am capable of phenomenal strength....i'm not afraid of being alone/lonely/without support!
Lemme rephrase that...its the lack of things with consequence to say....i mean, i just feel like i'm not accomplishing anything by writing or saying what's on my mind....who's listening anyway?.....but then i realized...that just cause i think no one's listening....doesn't mean that no one is actually listening...and even if that were the case...it shouldn't stop me from writing, no?
Now that i've sorted that out....lets get down to business....i think that i said i'd talk 'bout conditioning in my next blog...and i honestly did all the 'research work' that i wanted to...but by the time i was done with the 'research' i forgot the 'connect' bit of it....and by 'connect' i mean what originally got me thinking 'bout Pavlov's bell and conditioning....the 'germ' of an idea that usually translates into a blog....so what i got left with, was a whole lot of scientific mumbo jumbo and no 'feel'....so that idea is shelved...for now...till i recall what originally made me reflect on the topic.....
i've a tendency to do that you no....forget stuff....i'm kinda like Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter in that way...absent-minded...flitty-floaty....but i always have some reason (logic even!) for what i say, what i do & how i think....no matter how random it may seem....more often than not, the logic/reasoning is obscure and i rarely (if ever) do manage to put it across in words ...n even if i did manage to somewhat put it in words (or feelings or actions) it still doesn't mean that people will understand it....so....that's that....
The reason this whole 'reason' thing (see what i did there with the words :p ) came up is because, well, the last coupla weeks of the last year have seen me in a never before role....of someone who makes and sticks to hard, but necessary, decisions!....i dunno if they're the rite decisions...but they've been monumental for me...and no matter what the outcome...i know that i had the courage to take decisions that are (possibly) rite (for me)....and for someone who has always shied away from doing anything that upsets the 'normal flow' of things or 'status quo'....well, lets just say i'm proud o' me!
This might not make sense to many people (ha! like that's a surprise!)....it might even seem downright foolhardy....but this was an important milestone for me in terms of character building....i know now that i am capable of phenomenal strength....i'm not afraid of being alone/lonely/without support!
In the past 2 months....i've made decisions on impulse....something i've never been able to do before....i've never been able to be spontaneous or all 'in the moment'....cause of certain self created mental blocks....and overcoming those has been very liberating to say the least....i always believed (still do) that thoughtless actions can be harmful...but i think i've been thinking too much bout things...and maybe i've lost sum of my potential 'defining' moments because of it....and i'm tired of losing moments....but thankfully....so far, so good....i'm still going to think bout things...but i won't over analyze them like i used to.....
so here's to the new controlled-impulsive me!.....and yes...i do realize 'controlled-impulsive' is an oxymoron....but that's how it is folks....i'm pretty much entirely a contradiction.....and i like it like that!... :)
