You know, a lot of people are held back by the fear of failure. I guess at some point of time, I might have been, too. But the fear that plagues me now, at this stage of my life, is a different one. And maybe in many ways, this one is much worse.
I'm just going to come out and say it. I'm afraid of being ordinary.
Yeah, yeah. I've heard the hype. About how being ordinary is 'ok'. But it really is not.
It's bloody scary.
It's scary to think that you're going to be stuck in a rut. Doing average things. Averagely.
It's much scarier than, say, attempting something awesome and failing at it. Cause even if you fail, you can move on to other awesome things. And you grow. And you learn.
But when you're stuck with the ordinary, there is always that chance that you succumb to mediocrity. To the 'things-are-getting-done-so-why-bother' school of thought. Once you do, you're done.
So that's scenario one. Where you get sucked in and brain-washed. Scenario two is worse. It's where your bubble goes *pop* and you land on your mediocre ass, painfully. Aware that you're forever doomed to just be, not excel.
Failure I can deal with. Because with failure, there's a chance at redemption, a chance to grow. With failure, you can still believe you can do better.
But mediocrity doesn't allow that. Mediocrity simply limits. Then it stifles. And suffocates. Till the spirit is all but gone.
Mediocrity is a disability. Something you have to fight to overcome everyday, for the rest of your life. And even if you manage to do that, there's no guarantee of your being extraordinary.
Many would argue that people who do overcome their disabilities are extraordinary for simply having done that. And yes, that is probably true.
But then, it would mean that my faith in myself was misplaced. That I have, all this while, been (to put it politely) delusional.
Knowing that would break me. Totally and irreparably.
So yeah, I'd take failure over mediocrity any day. Unfortunately, though, mediocrity isn't really a choice.
So I'll have to wait. And watch. And keep my fingers crossed. And pray to the powers that be, that I don’t turn out to be ordinary.