Monday, June 30, 2014

Borderline Narcissism: Why it's good for me (and maybe you!)

That is possibly the longest headline I've written for this blog. But then again, a long headline is better than a misleading one. 

Anyway, so I was talking to a friend the other day (telling him about this blog actually), when I realized that I like things to be about me. Not every time, but often enough to just barely qualify as a narcissist.

A couple of years ago, I'd have been appalled by the realization and done my best to try and be un-narcissistic. Because, you know, 'people' say it's not a good trait to have. And I'd have complied, cause I was such a sucker for general acceptance.

But not now. Now I think for myself. About myself. So I take better decisions. And that's the first good thing that my acquired semi-narcissism has done for me. It has helped me get rid of the 'what-will-people-say' syndrome to a great extent.

Now, I'm not saying that being full of yourself is good. Not at all. Cause I'm not talking about that sorta full-blown form of narcissism.

Notice that I've said 'borderline'. This category of narcissism is elective. And so, it is aware. It is a sort of mixture of 'focused awareness' and 'semi-selfishness'.

This narcissism is not inherent. It is the product of circumstance. Gone are the days when people put others before themselves. And when others stop, you have to stop too. Unless you're strong/meek enough (depends on how you see it) to be secondary to everyone, including yourself.

But I'm neither. So I choose to put myself first. Borderline narcissism.

It's made me a happier person really, because when I'm focused on myself, I'm not bothered by the insensitivity, the judgement, the hypocrisy that is all around me.

I'm not plagued by self-doubt all the time. And I'm not too hard on myself when I make tiny errors.

This borderline narcissism makes me want to keep getting better, so I don't get bested. And what makes me better can't be such a bad thing, can it?