Monday, January 6, 2014


I sat down to write today, after quite a while. Naturally, my first instinct was to open my blog...this blog. One look at it, and I am stunned by my sloth.

Not one piece of writing for an entire YEAR! Did I not have a single free hour in 365 days?! Bloody unbelievable. And utterly shameful. How can I call myself a writer when I cannot be bothered to take out even a couple of hours to sit and write something that is not 'required' of me?

My excuse so far has been 'My words run dry, I use them up at work everyday'. And then I complain about how I'm not getting anywhere. How can I expect to excel when I cannot muster the drive to write a single measly blog piece?!

It's like that joke about the guy who keeps complaining that he doesn't win the lottery...when he hasn't even bought himself a single lottery ticket in his lifetime. Except, this is not a goddamn joke! It is my life. And I'm making a mockery of it.

All these years, to get through the drudgery that my life has been, I've been telling myself that I'm meant for great things.That I'm capable of inspiring awe, if only I was given that one chance. And I probably could. But I won't know I can, till I do.

And till I do, my belief in myself amounts to nothing but absolute BS.

If I continue this way, I let everything I've made myself around, be reduced to a pile of crap. 

So, this has to end. Now.

No more excuses. No more whining. No more EXTERNALIZING.

I need to channel that rage, and direct it at myself...for making excuses, for talking big and backing it up with jackshit. I recently even came across the perfect word for that feeling. (Words have a funny way of showing up when I need them, apparently.)

That word is Nemesism. It means "frustration, anger, or aggression directed inward, toward oneself and one's way of living." And this is precisely what I need right now.

Yeah, I know. Doesn't sound very healthy. But I have a reason.

You see, if I am pissed, I'm not complacent. And when I'm not complacent, I will get shit done.

So, for now, I shall let this Nemesism fuel me. And hopefully, this fuel will light a fire. Because sometimes you need to burn things down, to build them back up. Bigger, better and stronger.